lelot
04-04-2007, 12:45 PM
not aiming to be melancholiac here fellow INOLERS, ngem diyo kadi kayat a lagipen dagitay banag nga DANDANI nangtublak kenka, ngem napadasmo nga naballigian--the VERY reason why you are where you are today?
we sure have our own pieces of agony, and had swum in our own pool or river of sadness and pain...ngem ala, babaen ti tulong ti Apo, addatayo a sitatakder, for God said in the Bible, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Heb. 13:5)
So why don't we start stating God's wonderful grace?
Siak ti umuna...
There was that time when all i wanted was to end my life...and all i did was to cry silently (tay permi nga agsakit ti karabukobmo because of the fear of being heard by your loved-ones?) and to ask God why He let me experience such misery and woe.
This was the time when i learned to love a person who at first i didn't know his worth to me...then when i decided to embrace a whole new future with him, POOF! DUA KAMI GAYAM ITI BIAGNA. then he talked to me, told me that he didn't choose me, that he chose to marry the other one--my own colleague, college friend, my sister in the faith. that would have been uncomplicated, and i would have accepted right there and then...but the blow was (am i not glad that's a past tense? :wink: ): he married her in my own home church (with the fact that the two of them weren't original members), the church which witnessed my childhood days down to my heydays, my sanctuary with God.
Can you stand upright and stare back to pitiful eyes, and answer their questions "ti man ammok ket sika ti ikasar na?", or "piman pay toy balasang ni lydia, saan nga isu ti pinilina.", or "di koma sika ita ti iluglugan na diay kotsena, anakko.." or "di manugang naka koma ita daytoy nadungngo nga inana, balasangko." and so forth and so on...
the turmoil that i went through seemed unending. i planned to transfer my membership to another church. but guess what? i didn't. i faced them all: the pityful eyes, the sad looks.
then i came to meet and accept the fact, shrug the denials i had. this is what i did-- i prayed down on my knees to God: "Apo, makaammoka kadakuadan."
I let God do the work. i didn't ask Him anything against them at all. The vindication that God did was so bitter i couldn't swallow: He took their twins.
i wasn't happy at all, i didn't rejoice. in fact, i even mourned with them and for them, until now. But this one thing i learned, God listens even if you don't speak a word, He knows your heart, your deepest thoughts. Though until now i don't know the reasons of all these, i proved to myself once again, God loves me, and that's the most important thing. :) This made me a whole new, i hope, better person.
Thank you God, for loving me.
_________________________________
"the heart of a woman is a deep ocean of secrets."~RdB
we sure have our own pieces of agony, and had swum in our own pool or river of sadness and pain...ngem ala, babaen ti tulong ti Apo, addatayo a sitatakder, for God said in the Bible, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Heb. 13:5)
So why don't we start stating God's wonderful grace?
Siak ti umuna...
There was that time when all i wanted was to end my life...and all i did was to cry silently (tay permi nga agsakit ti karabukobmo because of the fear of being heard by your loved-ones?) and to ask God why He let me experience such misery and woe.
This was the time when i learned to love a person who at first i didn't know his worth to me...then when i decided to embrace a whole new future with him, POOF! DUA KAMI GAYAM ITI BIAGNA. then he talked to me, told me that he didn't choose me, that he chose to marry the other one--my own colleague, college friend, my sister in the faith. that would have been uncomplicated, and i would have accepted right there and then...but the blow was (am i not glad that's a past tense? :wink: ): he married her in my own home church (with the fact that the two of them weren't original members), the church which witnessed my childhood days down to my heydays, my sanctuary with God.
Can you stand upright and stare back to pitiful eyes, and answer their questions "ti man ammok ket sika ti ikasar na?", or "piman pay toy balasang ni lydia, saan nga isu ti pinilina.", or "di koma sika ita ti iluglugan na diay kotsena, anakko.." or "di manugang naka koma ita daytoy nadungngo nga inana, balasangko." and so forth and so on...
the turmoil that i went through seemed unending. i planned to transfer my membership to another church. but guess what? i didn't. i faced them all: the pityful eyes, the sad looks.
then i came to meet and accept the fact, shrug the denials i had. this is what i did-- i prayed down on my knees to God: "Apo, makaammoka kadakuadan."
I let God do the work. i didn't ask Him anything against them at all. The vindication that God did was so bitter i couldn't swallow: He took their twins.
i wasn't happy at all, i didn't rejoice. in fact, i even mourned with them and for them, until now. But this one thing i learned, God listens even if you don't speak a word, He knows your heart, your deepest thoughts. Though until now i don't know the reasons of all these, i proved to myself once again, God loves me, and that's the most important thing. :) This made me a whole new, i hope, better person.
Thank you God, for loving me.
_________________________________
"the heart of a woman is a deep ocean of secrets."~RdB